strange uncomfortable conversations

What creates a strange or uncomfortable conversation? Normally you feel uncomfortable in a conversation when it's about something you haven't dealt with emotionally, or the conversation is taboo, or a conversation comes up about something you have lied about. Well the last couple of days I have been in some very odd and uncomfortable conversations in which I have started getting super anxious and even shaking a little. All of these conversations have been about something I have not dealt with emotionally. I have this ability or maybe I should call it a disability to completely ignore that something happened. That is until I go to sleep when my post traumatic stress disorder takes over and pulls me back to places I don't want to go. The bad part is I don't even know how to deal with certain things The death of my grandparents I simply never talk about them as if they didn't exist. I can't think about them or I will cry they meant so so much to me. I wanted to get a tattoo for them, but I am afraid that it will be an everyday reminder of something I don't even know how to deal with. My childhood as a whole is a problem for me. I have only had a real relationship with my dad for less than four years. It's strange to think if he had never gone to therapy I still would not be speaking to him. I had decided that all though I can not escape my past mostly because of the ptsd I can not let myself live there. I forgave my dad and decided to have a relationship with him. After all he is not the same person any more and I am an adult and want him in my life. It's hard though when he talks about when I was a child I can't remember most of the good times and it seems like that is all that he remembers. I have never processed anything really because I can't talk about it. I am afraid that if I go back to these dark places that I will get stuck there that I will have more nightmares get less sleep and start having flashbacks again. And I can't go there again I have been doing so well for so long so even though I never dealt with anything. I feel that I have moved on by pretending nothing bad ever happened to me. Maybe one day I will be in a place where I can resolve the unresolved but not right not and probably not anytime soon. That's all for now.